Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
