Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
