I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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