please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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