in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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