if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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