i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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