Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
