Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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