Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just tell him i said nine months
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
