I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
