the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
