I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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