i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
