I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
