Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize