We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
