I will die if light touches me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
