every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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