White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
