Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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