so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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