some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
