dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize