she takes plan B like it's going out of style
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have fence marks all over my body
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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