I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
