so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
