I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
