Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
