She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
