About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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