ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
