I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
