Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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