Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize