they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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