Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
