i think my tv is drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
