I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You are a genius and a whore.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
