whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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