It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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