ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize