Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just want nice things and good sex
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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