you guys were way drunker than both of me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
