her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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