I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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