I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
