i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize