He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
