this beer tastes like vomit already
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
