can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
