He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
