As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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