that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
