so that wasnt chicken after all
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
