Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize