i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
