i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
