it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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