I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
