The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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