have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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