I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
