yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
