I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
