This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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