This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
