I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
