singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
