rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
