you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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