I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
