i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize