I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
