16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
