fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
