He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
