Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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