dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
