I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize