you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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