No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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