Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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