His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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