the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
