I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
