i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
