Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
