I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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