All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
