I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
