I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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