update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize