You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
