Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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