My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
