1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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