The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
