We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need moral support for this bender
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
