I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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