I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
