Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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