Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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