On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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