Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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