hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
