your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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