He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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