Best friends brother. Beat that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
